Start off with this one...
two sausages sitting in a pan,
one says 'hello'
the other says 'AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!, a talking sausage!'
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday.
There are three people playing golf. Moses, Jesus and an old man. It was Moses' turn to tee off and he ploomp right into
the water. Moses said "No problem there." He walked over to the water speard his arms the the water parted and he
shot in the hole for a birdie. (Par three by the way forgot to mention.) Anyway, it was Jesus's turn to tee off. He hits it
staight into a tree and it lands and stays on a hight branch. Jesus walks over and the branch lowers to the ground and Jesus
hits it in for a birdie. Well now its the ld guys turn to hit. He is slow walking, meek, and a little crippled. Well he sliced
it good and straight into the water. Just then a fish eats the ball, goes to the surfice and spits it out. A low flying bird
caught it in its tallons and drops it into the hole for 1. Well Moses turns to Jesus and says, "thats the last time I
play with u and your old man."
three blondes walked into a bar
you'd think one of them would of seen it.